The Two Amigos

Illegal immigrants, its illegal - regardless of what nationality you might be. Max says that some illegal immigrants pay over $4,000 for a quick marriage. Do you know that the roman empire fell because of two things - the rise of taxes and the invasion of the Vikings. Max suggests that when we catch an illegal immigrant, we should give them a choice: go back, or volunteer for two years in the military in Iraq. After two years, we will then make you an American citizen.

If the Catholic Church is so concerned with human rights, they should go to Afghanistan where Muslims who want to become Christians could be put to death.

Come to America! Be our Guest!

We welcome you, right now we have a special. Anyone can come to America. Some Politicians call it a Guest Worker Program, but forget about work or a program - you are our guest. We are accepting everyone; criminals, terrorists, child molesters and scavengers, we'll take them all. And because we are so generous, you can bring anything you want to America. Don't worry, you are our guest. You can bring pot, heroin, nuclear and atomic bombs, or whatever your heart desires. You are our guest.

If you come via Mexico, you don' t need a passport, just make yourself comfortable. And if you come across some immigrants that came here legally, give them a slap in the face because they followed the law and they are a bunch of stupid people.

If you come through Texas you may see someone shooting at you. Don't worry, his name is Dick Cheney. He likes to take a couple of shots at you to try and make your head spin. But don't come to upstate NY because some legal immigrants are pissed off about this Guest Worker Program.